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How to Make a Man Chase YOU

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In my previous post, I wrote that you shouldn’t chase a man that doesn’t chase you. How do we make a man we like chase us than?

A lot of sources advice women to play hard to get to make a man chase them. I believed in this idea for a long time, since I was 15. I would not deliberately reply to a guy for some time, would never text/call first, and would never get intimately close with someone I really liked on first dates. And yes, ladies, it worked.

Why am I not a supporter of this advice than? First of all, it is difficult for us, women. We have to analyze ways to act, we have to have a strong willpower,and we have to lie and pretend. It takes a lot of energy and time. We can never be ourselves when we play hard to get. It is emotionally exhausting! A man, in turn, will stop chasing, because we cannot always create an atmosphere of tension and mystery.

We cannot control a man and force him to chase us. It would take too much energy and eventually will become impossible to accomplish. But we can control ourselves and what’s within us.

What should we do to make and keep a man interested in us without playing games?

1. Love your life!

When we don’t like or miss something in ourselves, or in our lives, often times, we get into a relationship,trying to fill that emptiness. We look for a partner, who can fix for us something we don’t like, or give us something we don’t have, but very much want. For example, if it is money that we need, we will be looking for a rich partner who can pay for us at a dinner, buy us traveling tickets, or may be pay our rent.

Relationship, built on need, will rarely ever bring you happiness in life. When you can do those things for yourself, you will lose the necessity to have a partner for that matter. You will stop running away from your own life to an unhealthy relationship just for the sake of filling up that emptiness.

When you are able independently from a man fulfill your needs for what so ever, that’s when you become more attractive for a high value man.

You won’t need to chase a man anymore, and that will give you a space to be respected and chased as a result. In addition, it will empower you to walk away from a relationship that doesn’t respond to your demands, and doesn’t make you happy.

2. Be busy, explore

We chase a man, when we have nothing to do. If I have no other business,then just sitting by the phone, of course, chasing a man will become my only entertainment. Men feel that too! And they stop chasing you. Explore! Think about things you can do to improve YOUR life and make it an interesting journey for you. Learn new things, find hobbies for yourself… This action will benefit you on many levels. For instance, you will become a more interesting person, because of new knowledge that you’ll receive in a process of exploration. Men like women who they have something to talk about to. You will lose that boring free time,where you find yourself face to face with obsessive thoughts about him. This will create a dynamic of a high value independent woman,who loves her life,who has interests and goals on her own,and who doesn’t need a man to fulfill her. This will attract more men in your life, and better men than if you pretended being hard to get.

3. Be happy with yourself

It may sound funny, but a lot of us are not happy and fulfilled with our own selves. Have you ever had a feeling that you don’t like being alone,don’t feel comfortable doing things on your own and go places by yourself? Than this is your case. Learn being comfortable with yourself, learn to enjoy a quality time without other people. If you begin to love time in solitude, to feel sufficient for yourself,than you will not need a man to complete you. And that is very attractive to the opposite sex.

4. Build a strong, healthy self-esteem

For everybody, self-esteem is built on different things. Some people don’t like their body, may be because they are a little overweight. Another don’t have money,and having more money could raise their self-esteem. May be it’s an education that you don’t have yet. Working on things that you want to change will help you to increase your confidence and strengthen your self-esteem. Lose that extra pounds, earn more money (if you don’t know how, make a research, learn from those who does!), get that education! It takes work, but you worth the work! You deserve better!

5. Feel comfortable being single

Being single shouldn’t feel as a burden. Get into a relationship only when you feel that you are compatible with a man. Your relationship should feel as a comfortable flow for both of you, and not as a forced kind of engagement. Your goals and values should match,and both of you should want the same thing from the relationship. If he says that he doesn’t want a serious relationship, and you want to marry, don’t wait till he changes his mind. You and him don’t want the same thing. Don’t stay together with a man for the sake of a relationship, just not to be alone. Become committed only to a man you want to be your companion, a man you feel comfortable with, loved and respected by. Until then, meet different people, go on dates… Being single can be really fun!

6. Spend time with your friends

It’s important that you have friends on your own and spend time with them WITHOUT your boyfriend/husband. You need to have some space on your own, build relationships with other people outside of your relationship with a man. Go shopping with your girlfriends! Go with them for a lunch (or with guys friends if your second half and you came to an agreement). Don’t push away your friends, even when you fall in love and get into a serious relationship. At the end, you cannot predict, if you both still are together the next week or next year. If you pushed away your friends, you may end up completely alone in a potential situation of a break up. Your life should be balanced, and friendship is an essential component to that balance!

7. Take care of yourself

Being healthy and beautiful is very attractive. In addition,health is the most important thing that you have in your life. Without health,you cannot be happy, you cannot achieve your goals,and you cannot give healthy positive vibes to other people. Take care of yourself,do exercises, and eat healthy. Be healthy on both levels: physical and mental. Stay away from stressful situations and people. Being mentally healthy is crucial for your relationship with the outside world, but most importantly, with your own self!

8. Have passions!

Be a passionate person! So many times, I see guys on the dating websites write:”Please, have a passion!” It can be anything you enjoy doing. May be, you like painting, or fashion… or you like learning about wines or food! When you are passionate about something other than your man or yourself (taking a bunch of selfies is not a passion I’m talking about), you are more attractive for a man. This little part of you does not belong to him, and it makes him want you more in his life (same as when you have your friends’ time). It gives both of you space, and makes him miss you more!

9. Accept yourself

Regardless where you are right now,and what you have achieved, accept yourself the way you are right here, right now, reading this post! People that accept and love themselves are pleasant to spend time with. Acceptance will drawn more people to you. Accepting yourself is necessary for your own self-esteem. If you’ve noticed that you become defensive too often, look into yourself. There must be something you don’t accept about yourself, projecting your anger and irritation on people outside of you. In reality, however, all you are doing is trying to run away from your own negative feelings about yourself. Realization and acceptance of those feelings will help you to move on and become a happier and more attractive person. Nobody can be possibly perfect! Even those, who seem to be, are not. But the difference between them and you is that they’ve accepted themselves the way they are and love themselves for what they are and are not.

As a conclusion to my today’s post, I’d like to say: as soon as you change your attitude to being happy and complete within yourself, as soon as you stop expecting from people, and especially your partner, to GIVE you, to take care of your needs, and instead, will take care of your own needs by yourself, it is when you become more attractive for men, and they want to chase you!

Love yourselves and your lives!

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Best,

Yours, O.T.

*(Photo credit to Inge Wallumrod)

Never Chase a Man.

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I’ve learned this very important concept: “Always judge a man by the way he treats YOU, and not by who he is, or how much money he makes” (M.Rosenfeld). If he doesn’t call you, doesn’t ask you how was your day, and doesn’t reciprocate on your actions towards him, he doesn’t care as much about you. With that said, I would like to remind you one little thing that we women all probably know, but often times forget!

Never Chase a Man that Doesn’t Chase YOU

1. A guy that is interested in you,will always find time to call or text you

Even if he didn’t,later he will explain why. If he doesn’t do that, it means either he has another woman, or he is not that into you. In either case, you don’t want to be that kind of annoying woman, which he has to block on his phone or dating web site.

2. He is not shy

Often times we assume that a man we like is too shy to do a first step,so we always call and text him first. It’s ok to approach once, and may be twice. Don’t expect your man to do everything while you are being a princess. However, after ONE of your first steps, he should gain his courage and start doing steps towards you, if he is shy indeed, but interested in you. If he continues acting “shy”, forget about him, he is simply not interested.

3. Women and men react differently on chasing

When a man chases a woman, often times, she becomes interested in him, even though she was not before. For the most cases, men, however, don’t work this way. The more you chase them, the less interested they become.

4. Don’t lose your self-esteem.

When we chase him without his reciprocation,we look miserable and desperate. Even if he was interested,he will not be anymore if you act like you don’t value yourself, and don’t have other options. In addition, when he treats you badly, but you on the other hand, chase him anyway, he will not have to do any work or apply any effort to gain your interest and respect. He already got you, without any effort. So he will just continue treating you like an unimportant, but convenient object in his life. A woman that loves herself, will never let a man treat her badly.

5. Don’t analyze/don’t overthink

When a man doesn’t reply to your messages,he might have a hundred million of reasons not to do so. We tend to analyze our words, and overthink. And then we want to fix what we think we’ve done wrong. In that case, I always remember this golden rule that helps me to relax and stop overthinking:”A small mistake is often made worse and more visible when you try to fix it. It is sometimes best to leave things alone. If there is something you want, but cannot have, show contempt for it. The less interest you reveal, the more superior you seem” (48 Laws of Power, Robert Greene). If it wasn’t something like “stop texting me”, than you probably haven’t done anything wrong. And even if you did, the person who cares, will not just disappear. Think of the way you acted in that case, if you’d care a lot about a man.

Most of the men will EVENTUALLY contact you again anyway,especially,if you didn’t chase them. But think twice,whether you need a man who doesn’t treat you as a valuable human being in his life and as a priority? Do you need a man who ghosts and doesn’t care about how you have been all this time,and doesn’t apologize for disappearing?

Look at a man’s actions,not at how handsome or rich he is. And then you will lose a necessity to chase a man,which doesn’t treat you as the best,the most worthy woman in the world,which you definitely are!

Value yourself!

Best,

O.T.

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*(Photo credit to Pixabay.com)

 The Most Common Mistakes Women Make in the Relationship with Men

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When it comes down to a relationship between the two people, it can be very challenging to achieve a true harmony. There can be many reasons why it doesn’t happen. In this article, I’m focusing on some of the most common mistakes that we, women, make dating a man.

1. Talking about other men

One of the worst mistakes women make being in a relationship or even just dating, is talking about other men. Sometimes, we do that unintentionally, however, often times, women use this “trick” to make their men jealous.

By “other men” I mean:

  • her exes;

  • his friends;

  • men that give her attention at work/school/gym etc…

Men love being and feeling if not the only one, but at least special in a woman’s life. Talking about other men to him, we play with his confidence and self-esteem. Men are very sensitive regarding this subject.

2. Loving too much

This one is a very common mistake. When we meet a guy we like, we easily become fully focused on him. We hang out only with him, and even if not, we talk about him with our friends and family all the time. We build our life around him. We change our own preferences and activities to his. We want to be liked by him, instead of thinking whether we like him based upon his actions towards us, and not for who he is. We lose our own interests, opinions, and goals, because he becomes the center of our attention. Eventually, it turns into an unhealthy obsession with that man. Men don’t appreciate that, as we might expect. Instead,they lose respect for us and pull away. (Read more in “Women who love too much” by Robin Norwood)

3. Texting/ calling

When we respond to man’s texts right away, placing our priorities on the bottom of our to do list, or text/call him first, when he doesn’t much reciprocate to our moves, we lose our value, and our valuable time. At the same time, playing games, pretending being hard to get (waiting for hours to reply, for instance), is a very unnatural and unproductive way of behavior for your own self. Instead, spend time improving yourself, developing your knowledge and skills, and you will lose the necessity of playing hard to get, or an addiction to text him all the time and get texts/calls from him.

4. Controlling

Controlling happens out of the lack of trust and self-confidence. Whether we control our man to get done something or to be loyal, we lose in both cases. Trust is an essential component of the relationship. If we don’t trust our partner, we create a barrier between the two of us. In the first case, we take our man’s masculinity accepting the role of a decision maker, and controller. Most of men hate being emasculated. In the second case, we act out of our own insecurities, and it’s very unattractive. A high value woman will never attempt to control her man and hold him next to her.

5. Being Impatient

When we like a man, we want him to act: to text us, call us, give us gifts, propose to us etc. A lot of men work differently. They think about everything slowly and thoroughly and act carefully. Instead of making him believing that it is his decision to go on a date, or get married, and let him come to us, we do his job for him. We call him out, call him and text him first, we pressure him to marry us. We don’t let a man fulfill his role as a man. And he pulls away because with our persistence we change an entire dynamics of the relationship. A man, when he wants a woman, acts, when the time is right for him. So ladies, patience is the key! Make yourself busy meanwhile!

6. Being Angry

Women are very sweet and gentle in general. Often times (especially once a month), however, we are just unhappy, angry people, sometimes yelling at our men, sometimes crying without a reason. It is normal, if it happens sometimes. We all are humans. But if we are angry on a regular basis, not even men, even us, we wouldn’t spend time with ourselves. Men like happy warm women, with a smile on their faces. The happier we are, the more attractive we are for other people, including our partner.

As a Conclusion….

…regardless all these possible mistakes that we make, and men rejecting us for different reasons, I encourage you not to be afraid to make them, and be ok with yourself even if you did. We don’t have to be perfect and nobody is. Whether we are angry, needy, or loving too much, we are so much more alive allowing ourselves to relax and experience life and love. Living through mistakes and rewards is so much more fulfilling than sitting there lonely, scared to be hurt again! Eventually, regardless of our imperfection, a high-value man will appear, accepting and loving us the way we are. And never forget to work on your own precious selves too! At the end of the day, it will be YOU who spends the most of the time with you. Make it fun, make it productive and fulfilling to yourself!

Thanks for reading, I hope it helps! Please, share with me other reasons of men pulling away and breaking up with us in your comments!

Yours, O.T.


*(photocredit to Pixabay.com)