How to Keep Him Sexually Attracted

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Do you want your man to stay interested and sexually attracted to you and you alone?

There are some keys to that.

  1. Don’t get too comfortable. 

Remember, when you just started dating him: the hours you spent in front of the mirror, getting ready and asking your girlfriends what to wear for a date?  In a long relationship with the same man, don’t get too comfortable and never stop taking care of yourself. Don’t forget to put your make up on, do your hair, put some amazing perfume on, dress up as a lady and stay sexy!

2. Diverse your intimate life with him.

Routine is boring! We all know it. Same location for sex, same positions, same outfits… Surprise your man with an unexpected intimate sensual oil massage, sexy outfit, or a special make up.  Dance a strip dance for him (a list of potential tracks can be found here TRACKS FOR STRIP DANCE). Send him your sexy picture when he is at work. Sure, he will appreciate some break;)

3. Take care of your body.

When we start dating and feeling all excited, we go to the gym, and trying to get ourselves in shape. We change our diet and become healthy. Stay this way! Stay healthy, go jogging in the morning. Spend time for yourself: take care of your nails, your hair, your body. The healthier you are, the more attractive you are for men, including your partner. And if he sees you being attractive for other men, he will become even more attracted to you. 

 

Good Luck!

O.T.

 

*photo credit to Walid Riachy

How to Make a Man Respect You

Being in the relationship,especially,on the beginning stages,takes a lot of work for your partner to understand you,and even more so for you to understand the way you want to be treated. If you want to be respected and taken seriously, this article is for you.

Some of us fear to lose a man we like,so we swallow our resentments until some day we finally explode. Don’t wait till that happens. Men cannot read our mind.

It is IMPORTANT to communicate with your partner about your feelings and needs. When you do so though, make sure that you MEAN every word you say.

You will make a man respect you, when you support your words with actions.

For example, if he is being rude to you,and you tell him to change his attitude, or you will walk away,make sure that if he doesn’t change his behavior,you actually DO walk away. If you are not ready to do so and you don’t mean it,don’t say it. A dog that barks, but never bites is never taken seriously. If you want a man to respect you,support your words with actions. Never say and promise things, you are not ready to do.

If your man wants you and cares about you and your feelings,he will not leave you, because you shared with him your feelings. You are a human and don’t have to be happy with everything he does. If he cares, he will at least attempt to work on a problem. A man that leaves or ignores your words, doesn’t worth your time.

O.T.

Identity vs. Identity Confusion and Their Role in a Relationship.

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Why some people form strong, long lasting relationship with their partners, and others look their entire life, and even when they seem to find someone they have strong feelings for, it doesn’t last? I discovered an interesting perspective on this subject. The purpose of this particular article is to give an idea of a potential reason, but not necessarily a solution. Inability to form a stable relationship might have to do with an Identity Confusion.

I borrowed the concept of an Identity and Identity Confusion from Erik Erikson’s theory of a personality development. Erikson was a German-American developmental psychologist and psychoanalyst. He believed that true love for another person ( men to women and vice versa), is based on the mutual trust and intimacy. “Intimacy-is an ability to fuse one’s identity with that of another person WITHOUT fear of losing it.” Intimacy can be achieved only after people have formed a stable self-identity. Self-identity- is a clear understanding of who we are and what role in life we have. A lot of times, people confuse infatuation, which is not a true intimacy, but rather a very intense sexual desire, with love. It happens because people fail to form a stable strong self-identity and either isolate themselves emotionally, or seek intimacy through meaningless sexual connections. Mature love,on the other hand, according to Erikson, means commitment, sexual passion, cooperation and friendship. However, love also must contain some isolation to save a separate identity of one partner from that of another.

According to Erikson, self-identity forms during adolescence (period between puberty and young adulthood). We learn who we are through trying different roles on, and choosing what is important to us. This is a period of a great potential, but it involves an identity crisis:we get confused of who we are, where we belong, or what are our beliefs. Things we believed in during our childhood are challenged by beliefs of a new social group. When a conflict between values happens, we have an identity confusion. Identity confusion is a divided self-image, inability to form intimacy, and a rejection of family or community standards. Too much of an identity confusion may lead to a pathology of the Adolescence Stage of development, such as postpone of responsibilities of adulthood, constant change of jobs, change of sex partners, and lack of consistency in ideological beliefs.

If the balance between identity and identity-confusion exists, than we learn to trust people (Fidelity) with their advises to us, we form understanding of where and what we are, and we know what we want. We must learn to trust others before we can trust ourselves. At the same time, having some of the identity confusion encourages us to evolve as a person, and even challenge social norms that need to be revised and changed. Trust to others is vital as a component of a healthy stable relationship between men and women, and is a prerequisite for a true intimacy and love.

When the balance between an identity and identity-confusion is thrown off, the Role Repudiation takes place. People become unable to understand who they are and what role they have in life, and either they lose confidence in themselves, and become shy and hesitant, or they rebel against social norms for the sake of rebellion. People with too much identity confusion lack an ability to form stable relationship based on intimacy with a single partner. They choose to go from partner to partner in search of intimacy, when they need to form self-identity first. With that said, identity and fidelity are vital necessary for the formation of a healthy relationship between men and women.

How is Identity formed and what if we failed to form it? Erikson believed that Fidelity and strong sense of Identity is shaped by those who surround us, such as parents. Parents teach us to trust or not to trust other people through their behavior since our birth. So if we didn’t learn to trust our mother and father because of the lack of their attention, support and love for us, we formed a mistrust, and later, it played a role in the formation of an Identity Confusion. Is there nothing we can really do about it? I’d like to say that regardless the way we were shaped by people and situations around us, we should take a responsibility for who we become, and shape our own self: develop a strong identity and fidelity. It doesn’t matter how old we are or what we were until the present point. It only matters what we WANT to become, and how we work on that.

P.S. Identity or an Identity confusion, of course, are not responsible exclusively for how we relate to our partner. It affects all aspects of our lives. I chose to stay loyal to the theme of my website:the Relationship.

O.T.

*(photo credit to pixabay.com)

How to Develop Honesty in the Relationship

Reaction – a boat which is going against the current but which does not prevent the river from flowing on.

Victor Hugo

How to build a relationship with your partner, based on honesty and trust?

My simple advise to this question is do not overreact.

Men do not like drama. They can barely tolerate women’s tears and screaming. If you overreact to him telling about hanging out with friends, which might include other women, next time, he won’t tell you the truth. If you scream at him for getting in trouble because of the wrong decision he made, he won’t come to you for an advice to solve the problem. He will hide things from you to avoid you being upset or angry. It is a normal reaction of any healthy human being to avoid stress.

Overreact and demonstrate your frustration, and he might listen once, twice, but on the third time, your drama wouldn’t have any power. He will continue doing the same thing. In addition, when you get mad, you take off the responsibility of your man by punishing him with your reaction, let alone, making him defensive. Don’t drill him. Let him be responsible for his actions. Your reaction will create a negative vibe between the two of you, however, it won’t prevent him from action you disliked so much, and won’t solve any problem.

The way I can think of it is when we were children, we would hide a bad grade we received at school from our parents, if we felt afraid of them getting mad at us. The situation didn’t get fixed. We didn’t get helped and continued moving down the slope. On the contrary, if we had confidence in our folks being supportive and relaxed, we approached them, and told the truth.

Parents who don’t overreact on kids’ misbehavior, get a chance to build that honesty-based relationship with their kiddos and an opportunity to guide them in the right direction.

Same applies to any other relationship, including one with your partner. The more relaxed and calm you are, the more likely your partner will be honest with you. Instead of hiding and lying, he will come to you for an advise. In the long run, it is great for you, and for your relationship as a team.

Stay relaxed, respect your partner’s right for a decision making, his personal space and more importantly, his honesty. Let him be responsible for his own actions.

Stay chill!

Always yours, O.T.

 

*Photo credit to free stocks.org