Reaction – a boat which is going against the current but which does not prevent the river from flowing on.
How to build a relationship with your partner, based on honesty and trust?
My simple advise to this question is do not overreact.
Men do not like drama. They can barely tolerate women’s tears and screaming. If you overreact to him telling about hanging out with friends, which might include other women, next time, he won’t tell you the truth. If you scream at him for getting in trouble because of the wrong decision he made, he won’t come to you for an advice to solve the problem. He will hide things from you to avoid you being upset or angry. It is a normal reaction of any healthy human being to avoid stress.
Overreact and demonstrate your frustration, and he might listen once, twice, but on the third time, your drama wouldn’t have any power. He will continue doing the same thing. In addition, when you get mad, you take off the responsibility of your man by punishing him with your reaction, let alone, making him defensive. Don’t drill him. Let him be responsible for his actions. Your reaction will create a negative vibe between the two of you, however, it won’t prevent him from action you disliked so much, and won’t solve any problem.
The way I can think of it is when we were children, we would hide a bad grade we received at school from our parents, if we felt afraid of them getting mad at us. The situation didn’t get fixed. We didn’t get helped and continued moving down the slope. On the contrary, if we had confidence in our folks being supportive and relaxed, we approached them, and told the truth.
Parents who don’t overreact on kids’ misbehavior, get a chance to build that honesty-based relationship with their kiddos and an opportunity to guide them in the right direction.
Same applies to any other relationship, including one with your partner. The more relaxed and calm you are, the more likely your partner will be honest with you. Instead of hiding and lying, he will come to you for an advise. In the long run, it is great for you, and for your relationship as a team.
Stay relaxed, respect your partner’s right for a decision making, his personal space and more importantly, his honesty. Let him be responsible for his own actions.
Always yours, O.T.