In my previous post, I wrote that you shouldn’t chase a man that doesn’t chase you. How do we make a man we like chase us than?
A lot of sources advice women to play hard to get to make a man chase them. I believed in this idea for a long time, since I was 15. I would not deliberately reply to a guy for some time, would never text/call first, and would never get intimately close with someone I really liked on first dates. And yes, ladies, it worked.
Why am I not a supporter of this advice than? First of all, it is difficult for us, women. We have to analyze ways to act, we have to have a strong willpower,and we have to lie and pretend. It takes a lot of energy and time. We can never be ourselves when we play hard to get. It is emotionally exhausting! A man, in turn, will stop chasing you, because you cannot always create an atmosphere of tension and mystery.
We cannot control a man and force him to chase us. It would take too much energy and eventually will become impossible to accomplish. But we can control ourselves and what’s within us.
What should we do to make and keep a man interested in us without playing games?
1. Love your life!
When we don’t like or miss something in ourselves, or in our lives, often times, we get into a relationship,trying to fill that emptiness. We look for a partner, who can fix for us something we don’t like, or give us something we don’t have, but very much want. For example, if it is money that we need, we will be looking for a rich partner who can pay for us at a dinner, buy us traveling tickets, or may be pay our rent.
Relationship built on need will rarely ever bring you happiness in life. When you can do those things for yourself, you will lose the necessity to have a partner for that matter. You will stop running away from your own life to an unhealthy relationship just for the sake of filling up that emptiness.
When you are able independently from a man fulfill your needs for what so ever, that’s when you become more attractive for a high value man.
You won’t need to chase a man anymore, and that will give you a space to be respected and chased as a result. In addition, it will empower you to walk away from a relationship that doesn’t respond to your demands, and doesn’t make you happy.
2. Be busy, explore
We chase a man, when we have nothing to do. If I have no other business than just sitting by the phone, of course, chasing a man will become my only entertainment. Men feel that too! And they stop chasing you. Explore! Think about things you can do to improve YOUR life and make it an interesting journey for you. Learn new things, find hobbies for yourself… This action will benefit you on many levels. For instance, you will become a more interesting person, because of new knowledge that you’ll receive in a process of exploration. Men like women who they have something to talk about to. You will lose that boring free time,where you find yourself face to face with obsessive thoughts about him. This will create a dynamic of a high value independent woman,who loves her life,who has interests and goals on her own,and who doesn’t need a man to fulfill her. This will attract more men in your life, and better men than if you pretended being hard to get.
3. Be happy with yourself
It may sound funny, but a lot of us are not happy and fulfilled with our own selves. Have you ever had a feeling that you don’t like being alone,don’t feel comfortable doing things on your own and go places by yourself? Than this might be your case. Learn being comfortable with yourself, learn to enjoy a quality time without other people. If you begin to love time in solitude, to feel sufficient for yourself,than you will not need a man to complete you. And that is very attractive to the opposite sex.
4. Build a strong, healthy self-esteem
For everybody, self-esteem is built on different things. Some people don’t like their body, may be because they are a little overweight. Another don’t have money,and having more money could raise their self-esteem. May be it’s an education that you don’t have yet. Working on things that you want to change will help you to increase your confidence and strengthen your self-esteem. Lose that extra pounds, earn more money (if you don’t know how, make a research, learn from those who does!), get that education! It takes work, but you worth the work! You deserve better!
5. Feel comfortable being single
Being single shouldn’t feel as a burden. Get into a relationship only when you feel that you are compatible with a man. Your relationship should feel as a comfortable flow for both of you, and not as a forced kind of engagement. Your goals and values should match,and both of you should want the same thing from the relationship. If he says that he doesn’t want a serious relationship, and you want to marry, don’t wait till he changes his mind. You and him don’t want the same thing. Don’t stay together with a man for the sake of a relationship, just not to be alone. Become committed only to a man you want to be your companion, a men you feel comfortable with, loved and respected by. Until then, meet different people, go on dates… Being single can be really fun!
6. Spend time with your friends
It’s important that you have friends on your own and spend time with them WITHOUT your boyfriend/husband. You need to have some space on your own, build relationships with other people outside of your relationship with a man. Go shopping with your girlfriends! Go with them for a lunch (or with guys friends if your second half and you came to an agreement). Don’t push away your friends, even when you fall in love and get into a serious relationship. At the end, you cannot predict, if you both still are together the next week or next year. If you pushed away your friends, you may end up completely alone in a potential situation of a break up. Your life should be balanced, and friendship is an essential component to that balance!
7. Take care of yourself
Being healthy and beautiful is very attractive. In addition,health is the most important thing that you have in your life. Without health,you cannot be happy, you cannot achieve your goals,and you cannot give healthy positive vibes to other people. Take care of yourself,do exercises, and eat healthy. Go shopping,dress up, do your nails… Do things that will make you FEEL beautiful! Be healthy on both levels: physical and mental. Stay away from stressful situations and people. Being mentally healthy is crucial for your relationship with the outside world, but most importantly, with your own self!
8. Have passions!
Be a passionate person! So many times I see guys on the dating websites write:”Please, have a passion!” It can be anything you enjoy doing. May be you like painting, or fashion… or you like to learn about wines or food! When you are passionate about something other than your man or yourself (taking a bunch of selfies is not a passion I’m talking about), you are more attractive for a man. This little part of you does not belong to him, and it makes him want you more in his life (same as when you have your friends’ time). It gives both of you space, and makes him miss you more!
9. Accept yourself
Regardless where you are right now,and what you have achieved, accept yourself the way you are right here, right now, reading this post! People that accept and love themselves are pleasant to spend time with. Acceptance will drawn more people to you. Accepting yourself is necessary for your own self-esteem. If you’ve noticed that you become defensive too often, look into yourself. There must be something you don’t accept about yourself, projecting your anger and irritation on people outside of you. In reality, however, all you are doing is trying to run away from your own negative feelings about yourself. Realization and acceptance of those feelings will help you to move on and become a happier and more attractive person. Nobody can be possibly perfect! Even those, who seem to be, are not. But the difference between them and those who feel uncomfortable with where they are, is that the first have accepted themselves the way they are and love themselves for what they are and are not.
As a conclusion to my today’s post, I’d like to say: as soon as you change your attitude to be happy and complete within yourself, as soon as you stop expecting from people, and especially your partner, to GIVE you, to take care of your needs, and instead, will take care of your own needs by yourself, it is when you become more attractive for men, and they want to chase you!
Love yourselves and your lives!
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